He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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