I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
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how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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