I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
