Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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