I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
