At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
