Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
