i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
