im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize