i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize