we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
