I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
