I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
