in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There r osticjed everywhere
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
