just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
