They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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