you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You've changed since you got that strap on
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
