Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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