jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
