just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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