I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
