She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
