I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
