i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
