What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
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He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
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I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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