I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
