If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
