Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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