Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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