You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
