i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
