jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
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I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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