I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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