I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
