seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
