Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
