my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
