Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
