no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
