The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
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she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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