i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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