i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
