You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
