Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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