the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
