You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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