Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
