The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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