I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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