I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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