and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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