just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
