Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
