What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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