What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
