it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
