Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
