i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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