We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
