I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
