I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
