I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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