She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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