It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
