I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
