i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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