sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
