I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
