So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
