i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
