apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How does it feel to date your dad?
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