Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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