Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Congratulations! We have a period
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