I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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