I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
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