You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
