Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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