I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
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It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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