mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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